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The News from Grand Central Gulch

Mrs. Frieda Wax

Heidi Pripp and Thurma Tattenhouse went to First National Wednesday and came home with a whole bag of Ringbats and Coconut Creme Foons. Mrs. Pripp's son Biff, 42, broke his toe in gym class. Thursday my daughter Saline and I did nothing whatsoever. On Saturday, however, the entire family enjoyed an evening of blinking and breathing. Jackson Crack and son Betty got lost in the woods behind their outhouse yesterday. Mrs. Crack called out the fire brigade, Clyde Bingham, who located them sitting on a rock. Fireman Bingham was quoted as saying, "This was really quite an experience." Next week the entire population of Grand Central Gulch has vowed to give up swearing. In this project the Rev. Bob Friend has promised to take the lead. April and Festa Rack are preparing poems to commemorate the occasion. On Monday Mayor Jed Gubble's twin sons Turk and Jeremiah return home from a three-year stay in State Prison for extortion. They are looking forward to being in the employ of the Rev. Friend. Beston Winks announced Tuesday that starting next week the price of goosegrease will be two cents higher, and that hereafter anyone expecting change for the telephone will be required to make a purchase. Elmer Ilvonen, Betson's neighbor, commented: "I never heard the like." Hunda Varney announced that last week's Dollars for Donuts campaign was a roaring success. Heidi Pripp just called to say her son Biff broke his crutch falling off the school bus.

— 1977